🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?